When to tell the kids you are getting a divorce
July 13, 2008 8:51 pm Children
For any married couples with children who are getting divorced - telling the children has got to be one of the hardest things, especially if you have just fallen out of love and the children still see Mummy and Daddy as loving each other forever, they think the reason you are sleeping in separate beds is because Daddy snores to loud, and maybe until now you were happy with them thinking that way. But what do you do when you are faced with divorce?
The step is difficult enough for adults, for children the thoughts of seeing their Mummy and Daddy split up is even more scary and confusing, they will feel shaken, unsettled and emotional, so when is the right time to tell them that you are splitting up?
Tell the children as soon as possible, they are more clued up than you think, and the longer it goes on without telling them the harder it will be. We also recommend a lot sooner than later, waiting until your signing the divorce papers will not give them time to adjust. You do not have to divulge too much information to the children, using your children as a battle field as who did what to who will just confuse the children even more.
It’s a good idea for both parents to sit down together and tell them that the marriage is ending and that there will be some changes, keep the reasoning as simple as possible. Most importantly tell them that it will be sad, and divorce is upsetting but despite that you love them and you will always be their mum and dad.
Have you had to tell you children lately you were divorcing? how did it go? do you have any advice for our readers?
August 13th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Hello!
I have a tool that I’m sure you’ll be interested in adding to your arsenal for children to use to hellp them through the divorce process! I’ve recently illustrated the children’s book “You and Me Make Three” which is sold in conjunction with B.B. the Bear (manufactured by Build-A-Bear Workshop). On each page is a Parent Tip from the court mandated SMILE Program co-authored by Richard S. Victor (an Oprah Show alumni). My partners and I (all divorced women) are certified in the Sandcastles Program by M. Gary Neuman, M.S., LMHC (Oprah’s “Go-To” expert). We believe that educating both parents and children with the help of our book will open lines of communication between the two. Children will no longer imagine and wonder ‘why’ their parents are divorcing, and the advice to parents on each page will help them address difficult issues with their kids.
The publisher of the book, EDCO Publishing, is owned by a veteran teacher of 25 years. Textbooks and educational material are her specialties. The mission statement of my company is “A B.B. Book and Bear in Every School in America!”.
We hold charitable book launches that are geared to placing book and bear packages in schools and guidance counselor’s offices. Please check our website, http://www.bbseries.com.
Remember, “The greatest gift you can give to your child is the right to love both parents equally”.
Thank You for putting kids first!
Heather Drescher, Illustrator
“You and Me Make Three”