Divorce, who gets custody of the friends?

This was a subject we discussed last week in the office, what the hell do you do when you’re really good friends with the couple who are going through the bitter divorce?

What side do you take? Which one do you invite to the Barbeque? What do you tell the one when the other has confided in you? It’s hard when you are put in this position and inevitably you will come off worse in a situation you didn’t even want to be involved in the first place.

It’s a huge decision as this is where both friends are feeling the lowest they have felt and more than likely need you more than ever, my personal opinion is to stick by the person I have known the longest, as I see it as I met their partner through them, if other words they should keep what they brought to the relationship.

Although if the guilty party in the divorce was in fact you longest friend, and over the years of knowing the couple I bonded better with the partner who had been wronged in the divorce then I would have to think very seriously about my actions, it would be extremely hard one to make. So far I have been lucky and haven’t had to chose, all my divorced friends are women and they were the victim in the divorce, so I have been there whenever they have needed me.

But what if they met you as a couple, that’s when it gets really difficult, it then becomes a case of who has custody of the friends, generally people stand by the friend who was wronged. But couples have found themselves suddenly with less friends, people just don’t know what to do when the friends are going through a bitter break up, trying to stay on the fence can be pretty draining, so, some just gradually disappear, the cosy little foursome friendships fizzle out, some couples don’t want to talk about divorce, maybe they have troubles in their relationship that they don’t want to bring attention to.

Within a divorce it can change your way of life, maybe you won’t be able to do things you enjoyed doing before through lack of funds, it changes the dynamics of the night and other couples don’t want to hear you bitching all night about your partner and be subject of “I’m coming to the party so don’t invite him” friends feel they are in the middle of a battle ground of lies and deceit.

It can be said that a divorce will separate your true friends from your acquaintances, it’s like the old saying “you can count your true friends on one hand” and these are the friends who will stick by you through thick and thin. So if you see you friends deserting you during your divorce, understand them and move on, see it more as a complete clear out, who needs them anyway.

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