When there are children involved in a divorce it complicates the divorce immensely, having to disregard your hurt and pain over your ex spouse to make sure your children are brought up the best way possible and trying to avoid them being caught up in any back lash of emotions.

Of course, it will be a lot harder at the beginning of the divorce when the hurt is so fresh and you begin to realise that you have to start re-building your life, but in a lot of cases as the children grow older, both parents find new partners and maybe will start a new family, and things generally get much easier.

A friend of mine divorced 22 years ago, I went to the wedding of her daughter from her previous marriage, it was a great wedding, what was great was her daughter had the love of four parents around her, four very proud parents, laughing, smiling and all getting on fine.

After the wedding we all had a few drinks and chatted over how stormy the divorce was back 23 years ago, but they managed to get through the rocky road of divorce and came out the other end and the children survived which was the main concern of the two divorcees throughout the divorce.

Relationships come and go, you will be in and out of love and you will probably get your heart broken at some point, call me a cynic but that’s how it is, if you take the step to get married, it’s because at that time you felt that this person was going to be in your life forever, for richer or poorer, but things can change, people do fall out of love, and for the sake of the children you have to put them first, if you chose to marry then it was your decision to enter into the contract of love if you want to call it that, but your children did not chose, so they should never have to pay for your wrong choice.

Get through the hurt and move on, and bring your children with you in the best way you can.

Of course I am just speaking of a marriage that breaks down through “irreconcilable differences” if it was an arranged marriage or one that was violent then of course my opinion would change.

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